FOLLOW THE SPIRIT: FAITH

And Jesus, replying, said to them, Have faith in God [constantly]. Truly I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, Be lifted up and thrown into the sea! and does not doubt at all in his heart but believes that what he says will take place, it will be done for him. For this reason I am telling you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe (trust and be confident) that it is granted to you, and you will [get it]. And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings. (Mark 11:22-26, AMP).

Living God: You are my Endless Love and I thank You for embracing me with Your tenderness! I bow down in worship, acknowledging Your sovereignty. Heavenly Father, I celebrate You!

Grow my faith in You, O LORD, that it may be endless. Like Joseph, let me believe You "will surely come to" my aid and take me to my promised land. (Genesis 50:24, NIV). Like Hannah, let me continue to worship and praise You for honoring my requests. (1 Samuel 1:19; 1 Samuel 2:1-10). Like Stephen, let me be "full of faith and of the Holy Spirit," and have a willingness to forgive those who oppose me. (Acts 6:5; 7:60, NIV).

I want to trust You more, O LORD! I confess that doubt hinders my reliance on You. I confess that I hold grudges from past hurts, imagine how I'd retaliate, and totally blank out on the fact that it's Your role to avenge. (Hebrews 10:30, NIV).

Coach me, O LORD, to follow the Spirit. Train me, O LORD--let my faith be fit to believe that nothing is impossible with You! (Luke 1:37, NIV).

In the name of Jesus Christ...AMEN.

Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar. I tell you about these things in advance—as I told you before—that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, we must also follow the Spirit. (Galatians 5:19-25, HCSB).

VEHICLE OF COMPASSION -- August 2012

When the author of Psalm 91 wrote verses eleven and twelve, they must have had this month's Vehicle of Compassion in mind.

For He will give His angels orders concerning you, to protect you in all your ways. They will support you with their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

(Psalm 91:11-12, HCSB).

Thanksgiving flows from my heart and I'm compelled to give the highest form of praise to the LORD for assigning this angel to me!

Geraldyne M. Holt (affectionately called Aunt Gerl)--a dear friend, extraordinary woman of faith, and my inspiration--was my Earth Angel and now holds the title of Heavenly Angel.

This month's feature is quite different from the others because I wasn't physically able to interview Aunt Gerl. However, Aunt Gerl's hands have always been instruments of praise & teaching. So, it is through the correspondence we exchanged and the handwritten journal she gifted to me, that I'm able to introduce you to her. (http://www.fromhelltowin.com/p/vehicles-of-compassion.html).

It is my hope that you will be blessed to learn about the faith walk of one of the LORD's most beloved angels.

Peace & Love You More...Malkia

WAIT FOR THE WIN

It is right to pray for a sign of God’s goodness. As David found, it may be just what we need. But let us not overlook the signs he has already given, the support of family and friends, the fellowship of other Christians, the light of each new day. And we can be confident that he knows our situation no matter how desperate it becomes, and he cares. (Psalm 86:17, NIV Application Notes).

Q: God, how long must I wait for what I want?

A: “Be still, and know that I am God . . . .” (Psalm 46:10, KJV).

Q: God, You know I'm not getting any younger, I didn't think I'd be waiting this long?!

A: Since before time began no one has ever imagined, no ear heard, no eye seen, a God like Me who works for those who wait for Me. (Isaiah 64:4, MSG).

Q: Surely I'm not asking You to do something that's outrageous and out of your scope of work, so what's the holdup?

A: But I'm not finished. I'm waiting around to be gracious to you. I'm gathering strength to show mercy to you. I take the time to do everything right--everything. Those who wait around for Me are the lucky ones. (Isaiah 30:18, MSG).

Q: Okay, but my friends and relatives got what they wanted years ago, don't You think it’s about time for me to get what I want?

A: I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. (Jeremiah 29:11-13, MSG).

Q: Well, why does it appear that my enemies have everything they want?

A: Be still before ME and wait patiently for Me; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. (Psalm 37:7, NIV).

Q: I know I am not perfect. I also know that I seek You daily, I read Your Word, I study Your Word, I practice Your Word, I'm a vehicle of compassion, and I pray for others. Don't I qualify to receive what I desire?! Uuuuugh . . . I'm tired of waiting!

A: Why would you ever complain, . . . saying, "God has lost track of me. God doesn't care what happens to me"?

Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?

I don't come and go. I last. I am the Creator of all you can see or imagine. I don't get tired out, I don't pause to catch My breath. And I know everything, inside and out. I energize those who get tired, give fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon Me get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind.  (Isaiah 40:27-31, MSG).

God, there are moments when I get so anxious about my future, I start grumbling. Considering my résumé and credentials, I believe I should've already achieved certain milestones. I get so caught up in thoughts of where I think I should be, I don't give my entire attention to what You're doing right now. (Matthew 6:34, MSG).

Forgive me, O Lord, for being impatient and prideful. Please accept my sincere apology for not always respecting Your authority over my life. I know I shouldn't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow" and I am truly sorry for not honoring Your timeline. (Matthew 6:34, MSG). When I'm frustrated and life is challenging for me, please remind me to go off by myself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear." (Lamentations 3:28-29, MSG).

God, I appreciate our conversations. Like Abraham, I can approach You and we can engage in a Q & A session.  Life is good because You show me "that asking for anything is allowed, with the understanding that" Your answers come from Your perspective. (Genesis 18:33, NIV Application Notes).

LORD, I am serious about finding You and I really do want it more than anything else! (Jeremiah 29:13, MSG). While I wait for my win, strengthen my faith and remind me that life is abundant because You reward those who earnestly seek You. (Hebrews 11:6, NIV). While I wait for my win, let me acknowledge all of what You are doing for me right now, and let me be grateful.

While I wait for my win, I wait for YOU, my whole being waits, and in Your Word I put my hope. (Psalm 130:5, NIV).

In the name of Jesus Christ...AMEN.

WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Calm down & stop fidgeting! God heard you at Question 1 and replied.

God is working; remain confident & expect to be wowed by God!

That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. (Romans 8:24-26, MSG).

THE VALLEY - Chapter Two

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. (Psalm 25:16-17, NIV).

From Spring 1999 to Spring 2003, I lived in Missouri's capital city. During that four-year timeframe I accomplished great things professionally, scholastically & community-wise. However, my personal life was terribly lonely and I felt miserable. My closest friends were miles away. I had to drive 2 hours to get to the nearest metropolis (and international airport). The social scene for a twenty-something single in Jefferson City was mundane. The dating pool was the size of a puddle. When it was feasible, I took advantage of every opportunity to escape small town USA.

By Spring 2003 I loathed living in Jefferson City, Missouri. I became so disgusted with my personal life that I spiraled into a deep depression. I hated going to work. I hated going to church. I hated going to sorority meetings. I hated doing community service. I hated talking on the phone. I hated life. I hated my existence. Life in Missouri was M-I-S-E-R-Y!

Loneliness wrecked my outlook so much that I desired to end my life. I no longer wanted to breathe. I'd look at paintings and wish I was an inanimate object whose sole purpose was to beautify an empty space on a wall. I preferred dying prematurely than having to live one more day in a godforsaken town with limited social outlets. I strongly believed that any progressive twenty-something single would:

• feel melancholy not being able to fellowship with close friends on a routine basis;
• be miserable shopping at a mall whose name was Mall; and
• feel dejected being able to count on 1 hand the number of singles available to date.

I knew moving to Jefferson City would be a lifestyle adjustment. But, I figured having familial roots there would help me acclimate. Having survived 4 years in Jefferson City didn't matter at my lowest point. I was prepared to die if the opportunity to permanently move away from a state of Missouri didn't reveal itself posthaste.

My life was challenging because loneliness triggered destructive thoughts of hopelessness. My heart was so troubled that I actually believed suicide was a sensible solution to my anguish.

Unbeknownst to me, life was good in the midst of my turmoil. When loneliness engulfed me, I read God's Promises For Your Every Need, and sought comfort in the scriptures focused on What To Do When You Feel Lonely and What To Do When You Feel Depressed:

• Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. (Isaiah 41:10, KJV).
• I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. (John 14:18, KJV).
• The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. (Psalm 34:17, KJV).

While I was hell-bent on taking my life, God (through the Holy Word) was unrelenting about saving my life.

Life is abundant because I'm alive today to share my testimony. My first and only suicide attempt occurred on a Saturday afternoon. Sobbing intermittedly, I sat down on my staircase and proofread the letter to my family. Before I could figure out the method of my demise, my thoughts were befuddled.

Where should I...?

How should I...?

What will this do to my family?

Today, I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit intervened within a matter of seconds on that Saturday afternoon. Though my faith had diminished to the size of a mustard seed, God changed my thought pattern instantly. I couldn't proceed with the act of suicide because I loved myself too much and I didn't want my family to hurt. I was totally displeased with my personal life circumstances, but I discovered some semblance of (self) worth.

As much as I like to keep a record of my writing, I cannot share the exact words of my letter. I held on to it for several years, but I decided to shred it because keeping a tangible reminder of the Malkia of Spring 2003 was unhealthy and unnecessary. Memories of the time I spent living in Jefferson City, Missouri are desolate. Yet, I praise God because I actually have memories. I am A-L-I-V-E to admit that: Life is Challenging. Life is good. Life is abundant. I know God is ever-present from my hell to my win!

Dear God:

I make intercession for people struggling with suicidal thoughts. A variety of issues--abuse, addiction, adversity, anger, anxiety, bitterness, bullying, depression, discrimination, disease, financial burdens, guilt, heartache, loneliness, racism, sexism, shame--give way to self-destructive thoughts. Somebody has wrestled with suicidal thoughts for years, months, weeks, days. For the person positioned in isolation, I pray against the mental strongholds trying to overpower their knowledge of You and Jesus' sufficient grace. (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV; 2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV). Send them a divine message via twitter, television/online programming, telephone, song, letter, greeting card, facebook and/or e-mail. For the person wearing the scars of attempts 1 through 5, I pray they seek professional help and take advantage of preventative measures. Create a supportive network comprised of compassionate, empathetic and prayerful people to surround them as they take steps to heal. Convince them that self-inflicted wounds are not a viable solution, and help them learn that they have already been healed by Jesus' wounds. (1 Peter 2:24). I pray for people who have forgotten their value--move them from a state of misery to a place of hope. I intercede for the person who has no faith, bargaining for deliverance from their affliction--in the name of Jesus, I pray for an instant intervention and I ask that You implant a good seed of belief in their spirit.

O Lord, for the survivors coping with the loss of a loved one, I ask that You massage their hearts with comforting hands. Their grief is debilitating and they are trying to comprehend the reasons for such a departure. Someone is wailing:

WHY?!

I could have prevented this from happening!

WHY?!

How come they didn't talk to me?

WHY?!

I could've fixed the problem!

WHY?!

Why did they abandon me?

WHY?!

Their eyes are dim because of sorrow and affliction. Lord, they call upon You daily; they spread forth their hands to You, asking WHY?! (Psalm 88:9, AMP). In the name of Jesus, I ask that You keep their faculties intact because it's likely that WHY?! will rattle their brains for days, weeks, months and years. Relieve any pressure they've put on themselves, owning the blame for the departure of their loved one. When they are restless, cradle them in Your tender-loving arms and rock them to sleep. When they are in need of a sounding board, dispatch their genuine friends to their locale. When they are ready to seek professional help, lead them to an agency that will offer empathetic, insightful, and loving support. When their faith begins to dwindle, give them the energy and strength to reach up to You in prayer.

Lord, as difficult as it's been to write this testimony, I pray that my authentic and transparent expression of this particular trial gives hope to someone in desperate need of a win. Let this message serve as a record "for the generation yet unborn, that a people yet to be created shall praise" You. For You look down from the height of Your sanctuary, from heaven You behold the earth, and hear the sighing and groaning of people in need of Your help. (Psalm 102:18-20, AMP).

In the name of Jesus Christ...AMEN.

The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the LORD: "LORD, save me!" (Psalm 116:3-4, NIV).

HELPFUL RESOURCES FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION & SURVIVORS OF SUICIDE

• American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, www.afsp.org
• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention
• Mayo Clinic, www.mayoclinic.com

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

Then I heard a voice from heaven shout, "Our God has shown his saving power, and his kingdom has come! God's own Chosen One has shown his authority. Satan accused our people in the presence of God day and night. Now he has been thrown out! Our people defeated Satan because of the blood of the Lamb and the message of God. They were willing to give up their lives. The heavens should rejoice, together with everyone who lives there. But pity the earth and the sea, because the devil was thrown down to the earth. He knows his time is short, and he is very angry." (Revelation 12:10-12, CEV).

Monday, May 2, 2011, 3:16am

As tired as I was, I picked up my phone to see why it was illuminated.  The most prevalent news story of the day announced the death of “the world’s most wanted terrorist.”  (Staff and wire reports. "U.S. KILLS BIN LADEN." The Atlanta-Journal Constitution. May, 2, 2011, p. A1.).  Right then, I knew it was no coincidence for me to be awake and alert at the 3am hour—this was the normal time for me to talk with God.  I asked:

What does this mean, this death announcement to the world?

This is what the LORD says: Do what is just and right. Rescue from the hand of the oppressor the one who has been robbed. Do no wrong or violence to the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow, and do not shed innocent blood in this place. (Jeremiah 22:3, NIV).

What does this mean, this death announcement to the world?

“Am I only a God nearby,” declares the LORD, “and not a God far away? Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the LORD. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the LORD. (Jeremiah 23:23-24, NIV).

What does this mean, this death announcement to the world?

“The days are coming,” declares the LORD, “when I will raise up for David a righteous Branch, a King who will reign wisely and do what is just and right in the land.  In his days Judah will be saved and Israel will live in safety. This is the name by which he will be called: The LORD Our Righteous Savior. (Jeremiah 23:5-6, NIV).

What does this mean, this death announcement to the world?

God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to him. (1 Peter 5:7, CEV).

What does this mean, this death announcement to the world?

Since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear. For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God. (1 Peter 1:18-20, NIV).

What does this mean, this death announcement to the world?

Life is challenging because Satan terrorizes the Earth.  No nation is exempt from Satan’s sole purpose to steal, kill and destroy.  (John 10:10, NIV).  All around the world, Satan aims to rob people of their dignity, joy, freedom, love and peace.  All around the world, Satan commits acts of violence that result in the shedding of innocent blood.  (Jeremiah 22:3, NIV).

Life is good because we have a worldwide God who cares for the inhabitants of the Earth.  (1 Peter 5:7, CEV).  God is near to my homeland in North America; God is far away in Africa, Antarctica, Asia, Australia, Europe and South America.  (Jeremiah 23:23-24, NIV).

Life is abundant because centuries ago, our God raised a King who reigns wisely and does what is just and right in all the land; his name is The LORD Our Righteous Savior.  (Jeremiah 23:5-6, NIV).  Before the creation of the world, Jesus Christ was chosen to sacrifice his life; the world population was redeemed with the precious blood of The Lamb of God.  (1 Peter 1:17-20, NIV).

Dear God:

I don’t know if I’ll ever know what this recent death announcement means to the world?!

I do know that I believe in You.  Through Jesus Christ, my faith and hope are in You. (1 Peter 1:21, NIV).  I truly believe You always win!

I know that weeping has endured many nights.  People are still mourning the loss of loved ones.  Hearts are still aching and wounds are still healing.  People are still living in fear.

Lord, I intercede for all of humanity.  Let me, like David, seek You and understand that You will answer and deliver us from all fears:

The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned. The LORD will rescue his servants; no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.  (Psalm 34:4, 17-22, NIV).

As your servant, I cannot rejoice in this death announcement because I know Vengeance is Yours.  (Romans 12:19, KJV).  O Lord, forgive us for the times we believe vengeance will give our souls a winning peace.  Forgive us for the times we believe a hateful and bitter attitude will grant us winning results.  Forgive us when we think committing a violent act will give us winning satisfaction.  Help us make choices that exhibit Your love and bring You glory.

The world needs a reminder of how we're supposed to live, right now!  

Be on your guard and stay awake. Your enemy, the devil, is like a roaring lion, sneaking around to find someone to attack. But you must resist the devil and stay strong in your faith. You know that all over the world the Lord's followers are suffering just as you are. (1 Peter 5:8-9, CEV).

The world needs a reminder of how we're supposed to rejoice, right now!

Rejoice in the LORD always. (Philippians 4:4, NIV).

I don’t know if I’ll ever know what this recent death announcement means to the world?! 

But, I do know I'm grateful for this announcement:

"He is not here, but He has been resurrected! Remember how He spoke to you when He was still in Galilee, saying, 'The Son of Man must be betrayed into the hands of sinful men, be crucified, and rise on the third day'?" (Luke 24:6-7, HCSB).

I do know You are “the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End,” so the timeline of world events is no surprise to You. (Revelation 21:6, NIV).  I do know Jesus Christ is at Your right hand, making intercession for us. (Romans 8:34, NIV).  I do know Your word endures forever. (1 Peter 1:25, NIV). 

In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray…AMEN.

The grace of the Master Jesus be with all of you. Oh, Yes! (Revelation 22:21, MSG).

THE VALLEY - Chapter One

I prayed the name of Yahweh Roi (The Lord Is My Shepherd) as part of my devotion last week.  Ann Spangler, author of Praying the Names of God, requires the reader to study Psalm 23 to learn more about Yahweh Roi.  She also poses the question, “How would your experience of daily life change if you really believed that goodness and kindness would follow you all the days of your life?”

All week long, I practiced living like I truly “believed that goodness and” mercy followed me.  In all of my dealings, before I responded with sarcasm or a criticism, I chanted: Goodness and mercy follow you, Malkia; goodness and love follow you!

I have matured to a place of recognizing that God is ever-present in all of my circumstances, good and bad.  The study of Psalm 23 moved me to recall a time when I was positioned in “the valley of the shadow of death” and I did not recognize the presence of God.  The Valley – Chapter One addresses a time of walking “through the valley of the shadow of” heartache.

THE LORD is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack. He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters. He refreshes and restores my life (my self); He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him--not for my earning it, but] for His name's sake. Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my [brimming] cup runs over. Surely or only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and through the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence] shall be my dwelling place. (Psalm 23, AMP).

 O Lord, how long will this pain last?!

When I wake up in the morning, I’m hurting.  When I go to sleep at night, I’m hurting.  In the midday, I’m just going through the motions.

O Lord, how long will I walk in this valley?

Will this pain ever cease?!  I’m inconsolable.  A stranger to heartache I am not, but why did this have to happen to me?  Seriously God, I can’t feel my heartbeat.

O Lord, how long will I stand in this valley?

I’m totally numb.  I don’t want to laugh.  I don’t want to smile.  I don’t want to moan.  I don’t want to wail.  I don’t want to applaud.  I don’t want to sing.  I don’t want to talk.  I don’t want to move.  I don’t!

What have I done in this life that’s deserving of such excruciating pain?  I’m bewildered and nearly convinced that I’m suffering from a mental health disorder (i.e., dementia, schizophrenia). 

O Lord, how long will I walk in this valley?

God, what happens when my faith diminishes to the size of a pinpoint?

But the Master said, "There is no 'more' or 'less' in faith. If you have a bare kernel of faith, say the size of a poppy seed, you could say to this sycamore tree, 'Go jump in the lake,' and it would do it.” (Luke 17:6, MSG).

Dear God:

I need You to rescue me from this dark, paralyzing valley!

I’m neglecting my health.  I’ve relapsed to the practice of immoral behavior and the consumption of harmful substances to relieve my pain.

Honestly, my faith is dwindling and I’m having a hard time believing Your promises.  You said “goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life,” but right now, in this valley, I feel like sin, cruelty, and abandonment are following close behind me. (Psalm 23:6).

Life is challenging because I’m positioned in this valley and I don’t know how to escape.  Life is good because my earth angels are interceding when I don’t have the fortitude to pray.  Life is abundant because You are with me from my valley to my win!

Yahweh Roi, I need You to illuminate my path in this valley.  Reveal Your presence to me, O Shepherd.  Give me the faith to command this pain to jump to its rightful place, away from me.  Shield me with Your rod and help me to heed Your guidance.  Apply Your healing salve to comfort my aching heart.  Please forgive me for withdrawing from You.  Forgive me for turning to detrimental things, people and places, instead of turning to You.  I extend my arms to You now as a demonstration of the release of my angst, and my willingness to depend on You.  With my hands raised, I reach out for You to lead me one step closer to joy.  In the name of Jesus Christ, the One who consoles and keeps me…Amen.

So listen! and be kind! Help me out of this!" You did it: you changed wild lament into whirling dance; You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I'm about to burst with song; I can't keep quiet about you. God, my God, I can't thank you enough.  (Psalm 30:10-12, MSG).