"Have
you ever traveled to where snow is made, seen the vault where hail is
stockpiled,
the arsenals of hail and snow that I keep in readiness for
times of trouble and battle and war?
Can you find your way to where lightning
is launched, or to the place from which the wind blows?
Who do you suppose
carves canyons for the downpours of rain, and charts the route of thunderstorms
that bring water to unvisited fields, deserts no one ever lays eyes on,
drenching
the useless wastelands so they're carpeted with wildflowers and grass?
And who
do you think is the father of rain and dew, the mother of ice and frost?
You
don't for a minute imagine these marvels of weather just happen, do you?"
I couldn’t figure out why I was irritable and quick-tempered, so I started analyzing what might have occurred to cause such a drastic change in my mood. Last week, I experienced an “anniversary response” to an event that occurred five years ago.
Leading up to the summer of 2006, I was consumed by fury--I even had homicidal nightmares about the people who hurt me.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
I’m in desperate need to learn about forgiving and putting forgiveness to practice in my life. I have already imagined the peace and freedom I can experience, if only I forgive. If I can let go of anger, hatred and rage, my life would be less stressful. I need your help God! I need to heal from the pain/scars of . . . . I need help in writing and speaking the words that will start the healing process.
On the evening of June 20, 2006, I wrote a letter explaining the suffering I endured for more than 20 years. At the conclusion of my letter, I prayed that God heal me from the trauma I experienced as a child.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
During morning worship service, I kneeled at the altar and permitted myself to release 20+ years worth of tears.
Life is challenging because hurts of the past can devastate and embitter us to the point that we actually take ownership of someone else’s sins. Life is good because we can call out to God in our desperate condition and God will get us out in the nick of time. God will speak words that heal us, pulling us back from the brink of death. (Psalm 107:19-20, MSG). Life is abundant because a healing downpour from the LORD will change our useless wastelands (of anger, bitterness, hatred and unforgiveness) to fields carpeted with wildflowers and grass. (Job 38:25-27, MSG).
Dear God:
I don’t for a minute imagine the
marvel of a downpour just happens. (Job
38:30, MSG).
Five years ago I willfully laid my burdens down at the
altar. I’ll never forget that Sunday because later in the afternoon a
torrential downpour fell from the heavens. Standing on the
sidewalk in my Sunday best, I welcomed the rain because I actually felt
cleansed in the downpour. Symbolically, 20+ years of hurt
and pain were washed away with every drop of rain that covered my body.
I don’t for a minute imagine the marvel of a downpour
just happens. (Job 38:30, MSG).
The summer of 2006 was a hellish season for me! As much as
I desired instantaneous healing, the process was not quick and easy.
For 3 years, I resided in the wasteland of unforgiveness. I settled in
the desert of isolation, voluntarily removing myself from activities that would
aid in my healing. I walked through the field of bitterness—“holding on
to rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”
(Ephesians
4:31, NIV).
O Master, I know You were responsible for charting the route of
the thunderstorms that brought water to my wasteland. (Job 38:25, MSG). Even though I
lingered in a place of anger, bitterness, hatred and unforgiveness, You
drenched me to provide nourishment and promote growth.
When I declared that I was ready and willing to change my
course, You guided me to Your safe harbor. You were right there,
listening, when I prayed with sincerity. (Psalm 145:18, MSG). I wailed in distress
morning, noon and night, and You heard my voice, O God. (Psalm 55:17, NIV). I sought the help of
a licensed professional. And, I purposely studied Your Word concerning
deliverance, forgiveness, healing and repentance: Psalm 37, Psalm 51, Isaiah
1:16-20, Jeremiah 17:14 and 30:17, Matthew 9, John 5:1-14, Acts 7:54-60, Romans
12:17-21, 1 John 4:9-10.
I don’t for a minute imagine the marvel of a downpour
just happens. (Job 38:30, MSG).
The summer of 2011 is a winning season! I
appreciate the downpour of 2006 because it afforded passage to a
land of lush vegetation. From a weather-beaten vessel, You shaped me into
an instrument of praise.
Thank you for the downpour!
I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. "When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." God's Decree. "I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you"—God's Decree—"bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it.” (Jeremiah 29:10-14, MSG).
Anniversary Response: A sudden unexpected rush of memories, intense emotions and feelings of grief related to the anniversary of a traumatic event. More Formal Definition: From the National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: An increase in distressing memories of the event in the days leading up to and/or on the anniversary of traumatic events. These memories may be triggered by reminders, but memories may also seem to come from out of the blue while at work, home, or doing recreational activities. An increase in distress around the anniversary of a traumatic event is commonly known as an "anniversary reaction" and can range from feeling mildly upset for a day or two to a more extreme reaction in which an individual experiences significant psychiatric or medical symptoms. (http://dying.about.com/od/glossary/g/anniversary_res.htm).
